A wedding ceremony of any kind is steeped in traditions, sometimes religious and sometimes secular, which vary according to the particular backgrounds and desires of the bride and groom. A unity ceremony, as part of the wedding ceremony, acknowledges the contributions of the bride's family, the groom's family and sometimes their children, to the marriage.
There are two types of unity ceremonies that are popular as part of the modern American wedding ceremony. One unites the flames of 3 candles. It is of unknown origin and may have to do with African tribal traditions. The other uses the blending of different colored sands and likely has its origins in Hawaiian or Native American traditions. Regardless, they are both beautiful and meaningful.
Both ceremonies signify the new unity between a bride and a groom as well as the uniting of their two families. They may happen after the wedding rings are exchanged and before or after the pronouncement that the couple are husband and wife.
The Unity Candle Ceremony
For about 50 years in the U.S., couples in some church and secular wedding services have incorporated a unity candle ceremony. The roots of this ceremony are unclear, but may have borrowed from various African tribal traditions. One such tradition lights the couple's first hearth with fire from the hearths of the bride's and groom's families. In another tradition, a torch is handed from the bride's father to the groom, who in turn lights a ceremonial bonfire in the center of the village.
Some religious denominations have accepted this custom but others have not. This ceremony is usually recommended as part of an indoor wedding service as the flames can easily be blown out by wind.
The unity "candle" is actually a set of 2 tapers and a larger central candle placed on the altar.
Usually, one taper is lit by the bride's mother. The other taper is lit by the groom's mother. The lighting by the mothers is often accompanied by a specially chosen piece of music. The bride and groom each take a taper and light the central candle and as they do so they may exchange words about the uniting of their families. Sometimes, the bride and groom hand their mothers flowers that had been set at the altar. This part also may have its own special soft music. In the past the taper flames were extinguished to show that the couple is now a union. However, more recently, the tapers may be kept lit to show that the bride and the groom each retain their individuality as well as being united.
A set of these candles may be purchased from various shops and on-line stores that sell wedding accessories. Candles can also be custom made in various shapes and designs, even by the bride and groom themselves!
Note that if you are having a religious ceremony, you should check with your house of worship to see if unity candles are allowed.
The Unity Sand Ceremony
The unity sand ceremony is similar in purpose to the unity candle ceremony in that it allows other members of the newly united family to take part. In addition to the bride and groom, one or more members of the bride's and groom's families may participate. Many couples like the idea of this ceremony because it works well at an outdoor wedding and is a great way to acknowledge a couple's existing children as they blend into the new family.
As with the unity candle there are at least 3 vessels or vases. One will contain the blended sand from all participants and the others usually contain different colored sands from at least the bride and groom. Three vessels of almost any type that are meaningful to the newlyweds or appropriate for their theme may be used. The center vessel is clear so that everyone can see the artistry of the sand. It is usually larger than the others and can become a treasured art-piece for the couple to display.
If you use 3 vases - for example, one with white sand for the bride; one with colored sand for the groom and a central one to receive the mixture, the smaller ones can be used for flowers afterwards. Children from blended families can have vessels with their own colors of sand. In a beach wedding or one having a beach or Hawaiian theme, the bride and groom can use seashells to hold their sand.
As the bride and groom pour their sand into the central vase, they may say vows or words expressing their unity. If others, such as children will be adding sand, then the bride and groom can save a little and pour the remainder of their sand into the vase at the end of the ceremony.
Sand is available online or from a local craft store or may be collected from a beach or other location that has meaning to the couple. Likewise, vases or vessels specific to the sand ceremony may be bought at specialty stores on-line. These can often be personalized with the couple's names and wedding date. A local florist or craft store is another source for containers that suit the couple's unique style.
As with the unity candle ceremony, please check with your officiate and/or house of worship to make sure that this may be part of your wedding.